Most of us have been ready to pull the ripcord on 2020 since March. This year has been the longest decade since the 2016 election. If you’re looking for a timely escape and have been considering a Midwest road trip, Miller has a ‘70s-themed vacation rental to sell you. Trust us, this is the rare timeshare pitch you might actually want to listen to.
Miller Lite was introduced to the world a long, long time ago, in 1975. Remember when the only things we had to worry about were gas shortages, tripping over our bell-bottoms, and the ever-present threat of a Soviet nuclear strike? Neither do we — mostly because we weren’t alive then — but we’ve read books. The world’s changed a lot in the 45 years since, and this year more than any in recent memory, most of us could use an escape back to simpler times.
Miller wants to help get you back to that simpler time; one might even call it “Miller Time.” The exclusive Miller Timeshare is a one-of-a-kind lakefront getaway that’s a pitch-perfect representation of a 1970s suburban lake house. Think: An avocado-colored kitchen, retro-mod furnishings, shag carpeting, and an obscene amount of wood paneling. The master bedroom — with its trippy bed linens, funky, abstract wallpaper and artwork, and vintage-TV-inspired mini-fridge — has all the sex appeal of a Boogie Nights set. It’s the vacation home Red from That ‘70s Show might’ve owned if he didn’t think vacation homes were for rich “dumbasses” with more money than sense.
Don’t expect frilly modern conveniences like smart TVs or Wi-Fi here. There’s no Instagramming or TikTok’ing during Miller Time. However, the rental does come fully stocked with Miller-branded everything throughout, including plenty of ice-cold Miller Lite and a minibar with old-school snacks like Ding Dongs, Funyuns, and Ring Pops. Frisbees, playing cards, and Rubik’s cubes are available to help pass the time. There’s even a game room with a retro pinball machine, a record player, and ‘70s-era board games. Outside, a custom patio with wicker chairs, lawn Twister, tiki torches, and a Miller-branded outdoor bar overlooks Michigan’s Mona Lake.
Visit Hotels.com any time after September 4 to book a stay at the Miller Timeshare. The rental is only available from September 10 through September 30 with a three-night maximum. The nightly rate is just $96 per night, and you must be 21 or older. This will definitely sell out fast. In Miller’s own words, “Booking is first come, first served … so be there or be square.” Yeah, they went there.
If a Michigan road trip isn’t in the cards right now, Tennessee’s The Dive Motel brings the same 70s-era swagger to Nashville.