Inhuman impact shorts review: They saved my butt on the slopes (literally)

No matter how good you are at skiing or snowboarding, you’ll catch an edge or do something silly (or stupid) at some point and fall. It’s going to hurt, you’ll regret your decision to do the dumb thing, and you’ll 100 percent do it again at some point, even if you rock the best snowboarding gear imaginable.

Low-profile, impact shorts can mean the difference between limping into work on a Monday and resting comfortably with only a bruised ego. When looking for impact shorts, I came across Inhuman, a small brand that (for now) only makes impact shorts. At $65, Inhuman impact shorts are competitively priced, so I aimed to determine how they performed against the competition.

Which means I’d have to fall. Fortunately for our HR team handling worker’s comp claims, I would fall anyway because that’s how snowboarding works.

Inhuman impact shorts are atypical impact shorts that outperform the competition. They’re stretchy spandex shorts with EVA foam and polyethylene shell padding strategically placed throughout. Brands like Burton make similar products for a lot more which have spotty availability, and some ‘boarders who cannot find proper snowboarding or skiing impact shorts often rely on shorts football players wear instead. The issue is that football and winter sports impact shorts are not the same or designed for the same purpose. Football shorts are something, but not the right thing.

Padding on the Inhuman shorts is not bulky but more prominent than other shorts we’ve had our hands on. The pads are placed around the hips and tailbone area only, which is helpful for mobility on the mountain. We especially like that the Inhuman impact shorts tailbone padding “wishbones” out to the left and right. Let’s face it: if you’re going to fall on your ass – and you will – it’s nice to have some padding there.

The hip pads are lower profile than the tailbone and butt pads, which is just an intelligent design. In my extensive testing (read: I fell a lot), I noticed that the times I tumbled on my hips, I either rolled or slid. When I fell on my butt, I ended up dropping harder. The lower-profile hip pads also helped with carving and mobility.

Falls didn’t hurt with Inhuman, and I didn’t hurt as much the day after. Big picture: less pain equals more turns because I can get out there more often. The Manual’s parent company, DTMG, has a generous unlimited PTO policy, which I’ll take full advantage of this winter.

Jokes aside, Inhuman impact shorts are inconceivably good. They’re protective enough that falls don’t worry me and designed so that I forget I have them on until I’m on the lift.

At $65, you should have already ordered a set of Inhuman impact shorts. We love them, and you will too.