The Best Products to Combat Swamp Crotch and Sweaty Balls

swamp crotch sweaty balls
Marina Panadés / Unsplash

Now that we’ve made it through Independence Day, it’s time for the truly lazy, hazy days of summer. As excited as we are about family vacations, long days at the beach, and a daily evening chorus of katydids, the flip side of summer means that every moment in the outdoors — away from the comforts of air conditioning in hot, humid conditions — is going to make us sweat … sometimes in places on our body we’d never think about the rest of the year. Enter that unique summer quandary: swamp crotch. It’s that moment when your junk gets in a funk from good old-fashioned sweat pooling up in places that, unless you’re at a nude beach, we can’t just expose to fresh air on a tepid midsummer’s day.

Never fear, because the global grooming industry has developed solutions to address sweaty balls, creating products with names worthy of an episode of Beavis and Butt-Head — Tame-the-Beast (snicker), Anti-monkey Butt (snort), and so on. And although we recommend at least one old-school solution, many of these upstart products focus on using natural, organic ingredients, so you can feel good about protecting the family jewels. We’re also tossing in one textile-based solution for good measure, but until Toto comes up with a handy travel-size toilet, we’ve got you — and your business — covered.

And if you need stuff for the rest of your body, check out the winners of The Manual Grooming Awards 2018.

Ballwash The Sack Pack – $39
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls pack of ball cleaners

It’s summer, when every man’s fancy turns to … charcoal? Not just great for grilling up sausages, use it to keep that hot dog and his buddies cool and dry. Ballwash body wash includes activated charcoal to trap toxins, while drawing out bacteria, “poisons,” and dirt. Follow up with Nut Rub (sigh) solid cologne, and a spritz of Sack Spray (head shaking).

See It

Bálla for Men Tingle Powder – $18
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls balla for men

Who doesn’t appreciate a little tingle “down there” from time to time? Bálla’s Tingle Formula adds a little minty zest to “fine Italian talcum powder” to get your day off to a fresh start. Bring on the caipirinhas. It’s also available in an easy to use, non-aerosol body spray in an oak and musk scent to mask that fetid swamp crotch smell.

See It

Asswipes Fresh Pack – $16
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls fresshballs wipes

The Freshballs website says it best: “Long walks on the beach … are humid and musty.” So are morning commutes, daily workouts, and rooftop bars this time of year. We like the idea of using a product that incorporates chamomile, cucumber, aloe, and vitamin E, even if it does sound a bit like something our local artisanal barkeep might shake up. It’s handy to throw into a backpack or stow in a bathroom drawer, and this pre-pack incorporates Fresh Balls Lotion (don’t say we didn’t warn you). Be careful, though: Mental Floss says using wet wipes can lead to allergic reactions!

See It

Below The Belt Instant Clean Balls – $9
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls below the belt cleaner

Your workday ran a little late or you want to hit the bar after an intense session with your ZogSports volleyball team? Grab Instant Clean Balls spray to give those sweaty balls a quick, refresher. It’s infused with a citrus and black pepper fragrance, which may or may not put you in the mood for a chicken dinner. Below The Belt also makes Fresh and Dry Balls Anti-Perspirant Gel, available various fragrances and fragrance-free, for $8.50.

See It

Fromonda Citrus IPA Powder – $14
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls fromonda citrus ipa powder

Since we’re already at the table, how about a beer to go with that dinner? Fromonda’s powder puts in mind of nothing less than a strong, bitter quaff of India pale ale, combining essential oils from both citrus and hops into its formula for a clean, refreshing finish. The company does us one better by donating ten percent of its profits to the Sean Kimerling Testicular Cancer Foundation. Cheers!

See It

Tame The Beast Nut Butter – $19
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls tame the beast

Because who knew you needed a multi-purpose product to take care of your — ahem — nuts. Tame The Beast says it handles anti-aging, anti-shriveling, anti-chafing, anti-dryness, anti-sagging (make it stop), and all with a eucalyptus glow. It is also crafted from all-natural, intense botanicals (how could something called comfrey root be wrong?). The company offers an extreme version with menthol, and yet another variation called Nut Butter Edibles. Get ready — it’s crunch time.

See It

Original Anti-Monkey Butt Powder – $5
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls anti monkey butt

Despite the crazy name, Anti-Monkey Butt products were originally invented by dirt bike riders, so they have some serious street … er … trail cred, plus the product range is developed for men, women, and babies (babies get swamp crotch, too!). Combining calamine and talc, the anti-friction powder helps keep your buns from getting red whether breathing dirt and fumes all day or just desk jockeying.

See It

Anthony No Sweat Body Defense – $20
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls anthony no sweat body defense

A straightforward name for a straightforward product. No Sweat Body Defense is a talc-free cream that turns to a powder once it dries, providing a “defensive barrier for your delicate areas and private parts.” (Shouldn’t Anthony at least change his name to Richard?)

See It

Gold Bond No Mess Powder Spray Fresh Scent with Aloe – $8
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls gold bond fresh scent with aloe triple action relief

Going beyond Shaquille O’Neal, Gold Bond now is now even keeping WWE’s Money In the Bank team cool and dry. We like the brand’s old-school approach, updated in a spray for focused powder application.

See It

Ejis Sweat Proof Boxer Briefs – $32
banish swamp crotch sweaty balls black underwear full front side 450x

Hi-ho, Silver! Ejis micro-modal briefs are fused with silver to fight odor-causing bacteria, while the brand’s patent-pending sweat-proof system includes a thin waterproof layer in each pair to stop sweat from ever reaching the outside of a pair of pants or shorts.

See It

Now you know how to avoid and prevent swamp crotch, get some advice on how to treat swamp ass.


Best Cyber Monday Deals on Grooming Products for Men

Don't sleep on these steals. Get out there and get shopping.

Ignite Your Workout With James Harden’s Fitness Picks From Amazon Sports

From wireless headphone, to jump ropes to foam rollers, James Harden's exercise essentials include everything you need for a high-level workout.

The Best Resistance Bands for Every Kind of Workout

Not all of us have room for an extensive home gym set-up, in which case you want to invest in versatile and compact pieces, such as resistance bands.
Food & Drink

10 Classic Vodka Cocktail Recipes You Can Mix at Home

One of the benefits of vodka is that it mixes with everything. However, there are a number of classic cocktails that are a little more complex but easy to make.

How to Build Your Own Personal Home Gym for Under $350

With a home gym, there are no monthly membership bills or drop-in fees, and you can customize your workout to whatever you're feeling on the day.

The Best Gifts for Men Who Have Everything

It’s hard enough to buy the right gift for any person in your life, but it’s especially challenging to find that special thing for the guy who seems to have it all.

Kobe Tested and Approved: Art of Sport Provides Athletic Skin Care

“Athlete doesn’t mean the gym rat. If you have a body, you’re an athlete.”

The Best Sunscreens for Winter Because, Yes, You Still Need Some SPF

The sun is still in the sky, guys...

Why You Should Use a Beard Brush and the 7 Best Beard Brushes to Buy

You can tame your beastly beard and put your best face forward with a simple beard brush.

The Best Beard Combs to Wrestle Your Whiskers into Shape

A well-kept beard is like a great work of art. Maintain yours with these great beard combs.

Beard Conditioners: What They Are and How They Work

There is no one beard conditioner. Consider three methods to improve or maintain the, well, condition of your beard.

Banish Mid-Winter Pastiness with the Best Sunless Tanners (and Tanning Tips) for Men

You might balk and think, "Won't I end up looking like the Cheeto in charge?" Our answer: "Not if you do it right."

How to Shave With a Straight Razor: Everything You Need to Know

We've got all the facts, steps, and products you need to make your next shave, the closest, and most relaxing yet.

Super Dry Winter Skin Got You Itching? You Need a Healing Salve or Balm

Winter wreaks havoc on your skin, and sometimes a normal lotion just won't do. In that case, you need a healing salve.