I am in the unique position of being a wine lover (and wine writer) without being pretentious about wine. I’m not above buying the occasional cab at Trader Joe’s (something many in my world curiously frown upon). I seldom spend more than 20 bucks on a bottle, and sometimes, I even drink it from my collection of mugs from various Broadway shows. Of course, I both appreciate and adore the showstopper bottles that are nothing short of magnificent artworks, but those are not the only wines I love – not by any stretch of the imagination. Now, having said that I do have to draw the line somewhere. Today, I found that line.
In a move that absolutely no one asked for, TikToker goldenhivemead has gifted the world with a new wine varietal made from Mountain Dew. Yes, apparently, Mountain Dew wine is possible, and now it exists. Because, of course, it does.
Mountain Dew wine…really?
@goldenhivemead Here’s the full process #mtndew #mountaindew #wine #mead
♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys – Kevin MacLeod & Kevin The Monkey
In his popular TikTok, goldenhivemead walks us through his winemaking(?) process, starting with a humble mead kit, honey, baking soda, and, of course, everyone’s favorite toxic sludge – Mountain Dew. He combines these ingredients in a large jar and leaves them to ferment for a few weeks, speeding up the process by adding a clarifier. After a month, the product he is left with is a terrifyingly foul green “wine” with an alcohol content of 13.9%. Our master som then bottles his product, but not before pouring himself a proper glass, swishing, tasting, and delivering his notes: “To my surprise, this didn’t taste like battery acid but more like a smooth, citrus mead with maybe a slight chemical aftertaste. Honestly, I expected worse.”
With such a rave review, it’s hard not to run out and invest in this groundbreaking new varietal.
Cynicism aside, the TikTok account is certainly fun, even educational. GoldenHiveMead is far from just a bro with a stupidly entertaining idea. In other videos on the account, he goes into depth about the fermentation process, and many interesting tutorials on ingredients and mead-making in general. Videos including the pitfalls of bottling too early, adding flavoring agents to mead, and how to use a hydrometer are just a few of the educational clips we enjoyed.
And yes, for the morbidly curious, there are several other colorful examples of this TikToker’s experiments on his page. Beverages like Shamrock Shake mead, as well as Dr. Pepper wine and even Peeps wine, will surely keep you entertained, albeit probably somewhat nauseous.
As for the ever-tempting Mountain Dew wine, goldenhivemead says, “I consider this a massive win, and this is just one of many crazy ideas I want to try, so let me know what I should make next.”
Lord, help us all.
