What is better than bacon? The obvious answer is, “Nothing, dummy.”
Or it was. As of this weekend, there is something better than bacon: Free bacon that comes to your house.
Throughout the first half of December, good little boys, girls and gender-nonconforming individuals across the eastern seaboard will be visited by an Applegate food truck dispensing “Season’s Meatings” with a panoply of bacon-inflected treats.
Launched last Saturday in Orlando, Florida, The Bacon Express is turning up at grocery stores, public parks, and holiday-themed events to offer tidings of comfort, joy and pork belly. The journey will culminate in New York City with a prime parking spot for The Bacon Express right in front of Radio City Music Hall.
As a sponsor of this year’s Christmas Spectacular Starring the Radio City Rockettes, Applegate will be the star of more than just the theater’s concession stands. Christmas Spectacular attendees can expect to see their favorite organic beef hot dogs incorporated into one of the Rockettes’ most iconic numbers.
The mind boggles.
As of publication, The Bacon Express has already graced a tree-lighting in Orlando and an ice rink in Atlanta. This weekend brings the road show to the Alexandria Holiday Market, indulging the good people of Virginia for eight solid hours with crispy, salty, smoky treats. From there, it’s on to Philadelphia’s Dilworth Park for another all-day stint. Thursday and Friday bring the tour to its glorious high-kick finale. In all locations, we advise posting up with a lawn chair and a Snuggie in close proximity to the truck, the better to enjoy treats like bacon pecan bars, bacon-infused hot chocolate (don’t ask how), and candied bacon in such flavors as spicy maple, cocoa and cinnamon toast.
We did mention that all this is free, right?
In our best Kramer voice, let’s say it together: “It’s a Festivus [read: Christmas] miracle!”
Chef Ian Knauer spent nine years as a staff writer and recipe tester for sadly defunct Gourmet magazine. Along the way, he launched the Farm Cooking School and hosted cooking show “The Farm” on PBS. With farm-to-table bona fides bolstered by his family’s farm in Pennsylvania, it’s safe to say Chef Knauer knows his way around a pig.
For its part, Applegate has been doing the all-natural thing since 1987, which is pretty woke for a processed meat company. They introduced the world’s first organic hot dog in 2006, and followed it up with a grass-fed guarantee in 2015. When not plotting spectacular holiday road trips, the company works toward a goal of ensuring their product sources are 100% third-party certified for higher animal welfare and that all 140 Applegate products are verified non-GMO. All that work translates to better bacon in your belly.
The past year required us all to grow up, and it’s time our palates did the same. Stop waiting around for a mythologized saint to drop down your chimney. Nothing promises to wash away the taste of 2017 like a mouthful of humanely raised, conscientiously cured bacon.
For those less fortunate among us — i.e., those not living on or near the East Coast — Applegate has magnanimously posted a number of The Bacon Express’ recipes on its website. Eat your heart out. And, if this isn’t enough, check out Camp Bacon. You won’t regret it.
Images courtesy Applegate.