How to Give Your Partner a Romantic Massage

Tick-tock. Date night is here again. We know you’re ready. You’ve made the reservations at her favorite restaurant, bought a bottle of beautiful perfume, ordered a dozen roses … oh, wait. Snuck up on you again? Well here’s the good news: We’ve got a plan to surprise her with a romantic evening at home that includes a nice bottle of wine, dimmed lights, and a romantic massage.

We chatted with Swedish Institute-trained licensed massage therapist Rich Kiamco for some pointers about how to create a perfect evening of intimate touch that might just pierce her heart faster than a Hallmark card or a tasting menu. 

Atmosphere and Communication

The first step is to set up a proper romantic and relaxing environment.

“Create a nice, quiet space,” says Kiamco. “No phones. Turn off all your data. Turn off ringers, You want everything sequestered. You want her to know that you’re here for her.”

(A recent survey by cell phone signal booster company Surecall points out that 10 percent of respondents check their phones during sex. From ages 18 to 34, that figure rises to 43 percent; and for ages 35 to 51, 24 percent. Put it away. Leave the selfies for after the massage.)

Next, put on some nice romantic music. “Pick something easy, whatever you both like, to create a relaxed mood. Nothing high energy, unless this person really loves it. It’s about whatever she would like, so if EDM really helps her disconnect, crank it up,” jokes Kiamco. 

how to give a romantic massage bed
Antonio Saba / Getty Images

Light a candle or two. Dim the lights. Make sure the temperature is a little warmer or cooler, depending on her preference. 

“Set up the bed or sofa with a nice soft towel or a sheet. If you’re going to do a full massage, make sure she can lay on her back comfortably. Have pillows available so that you can place one pillow under her stomach so she’s not arching her back or under her head to relieve pressure on the neck. Place pillows under her chest so her neck isn’t twisted in an uncomfortable way. 

“If you’re going to do a foot massage, make sure you have pillows or cushions set up so that you can kneel or sit comfortably for a while,” says Kiamco. “You don’t want to interrupt the experience with your own cramps, aches, or pains!” 

Give her some time to ease into the experience. “Have her take a nice shower or a bubble bath before, so she’s completely relaxed. You can even give her a foot massage while she’s still in the tub,” says Kiamco, assuming, of course, that there’s enough room for you to get into the right position and get to work. 

While she’s showering, take a moment for yourself. Make sure your hands are clean, soft, and moisturized. Take a minute to breathe and get centered. A good massage is about opening up to communication and connection. 

“Be clear about your intention,” says Kiamco. “Keep in mind that you’re doing this to connect with her. Make sure you’re in the right place. Let her know you love her and care for her. Maintain eye contact. ‘Let’s take a moment and just look into each other’s eyes.’ Inhale and exhale. It’s about the breath and connection. You’re not doing the massage to her.” 

Tips and Techniques

Now that you’re ready to get down to business, let’s talk about product. You can do a dry massage if that’s more appealing, but Kiamco recommends trying a cream. 

“Unscented cream is best unless you know the person is okay with certain fragrances. Sometimes scents can be strong and unpleasant. If she doesn’t mind, use something she already has, then you know it’s gonna be okay. I usually use a cream. Be sure it’s non-staining—you don’t want to mess up her nicest sheets or furniture. You can use a moisturizing lotion, but you’ll have to reapply a lot more often. Really keep it simple so you’re not caught up in the product and can focus on staying really connected.”

how to give a romantic massage man massaging wife getty images
Tom Merton / Getty Images

If you’re doing a full massage, start working on her neck and shoulders Gently rub from the spine out. Play with pressure. Start lightly and ask if she’d like a little more. Pay attention to how she’s responding physically. As you work your way down, use longer strokes on larger muscles. Be gentle. Connect. Breath. Be sensitive. Find the level of pressure that she likes and be willing to adjust. The massage is for her, not for you.

If you’re doing a foot massage, be extra gentle. “Women’s feet are probably the most abused by the shoes they wear,” says Kiamco. “Be especially careful around the Achilles tendon.” 

“Massage can be great foreplay,” says Kiamco, “but keep the attention on her. Take time and let it be about her and not the act. Focus on comforting and relaxing her. It’s about building connection. That’s gonna make for great sex. If she feels seen and cared for, it only makes the sex itself more exciting.”

After hearing all of that, you may wimp out and consider hiring a massage therapist to come over for a couples massage, but you may have to scramble to get one booked.

Get moving: grab some roses, wine, and supplies on your lunch hour, and get home from work before she does!

What You Need

Nivea Creme
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Nivea Creme is not only great for your romantic evening, but it’s also an excellent all-around moisturizer. Going for the foot massage? The cream is a nice antidote for any abuse winter weather might be heaping on your loved one’s feet. Of course, it’s also an excellent way to soften your own hands, pre-massage. 

Shea Moisture 100% Virgin Coconut Oil Coconut Milk Bath Powder
how to give a romantic massage coconut milk bath powder

Shea Moisture’s Bath Powder deeply moisturizes and softens skin. Add a handful to her warm bath water to unleash the product’s moisturizing properties, as well as its calming coconut aroma to get her completely relaxed and ready for your touch. 

Nest Linen Scented Candle
how to give a romantic massage nest linen candle edit

Keep it clean and simple with a crisp linen scent, infusing the room with a romantic, relaxing fragrance. The linen fragrance is combined with apple blossom and white orchid to create the aroma of freshly laundered linens. 

If you’re thinking about booking yourself a professional massage, here’s everything you need to know before you schedule that first appointment.

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