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It’s Easy to Practice Social Distancing With a 400-Horsepower Coupe

As the global community attempts to curb the spread of COVID-19, we are reminded to wash our hands frequently and thoroughly, cover our mouths to cough, clean “high-touch” surfaces daily (i.e. smartphones), and – most importantly – limit interactions with one another.

While the first few pieces of advice are fairly straightforward, the concept of “social distancing” is open to interpretation. Certainly, large gatherings like concerts and sporting events are to be discouraged, but should we cancel wine and cheese night at the Smiths’ house, or Facetime our partner in the other room during dinner? The most prudent among us would prescribe self-quarantine for all aspects of life – which is why we’re driving a high output coupe this week.

To the unimaginative, the 2020 Infiniti Q60 Red Sport 400 AWD has nothing to do with social distancing, but to the clever, it is an effective tool for restricting hazardous mingling.

Unlike a sedan or SUV, a coupe is an exclusionary mode of transportation. Friends (plural) become friend (singular) as any would-be passengers in excess of one are jettisoned from one’s life to accommodate the sensual slope of a coupé roofline. Even if you are plagued with stubbornly loyal and remarkably flexible comrades – those that would volunteer to strap into the Q60’s rear seats – consider the marks their shoes could leave on your leather-trimmed cabin, the additional music genres you’ll need to accommodate via your CarPlay-enabled infotainment, or the squeals they’ll make when you plant your right foot firmly to the floor. Indeed, it’s better to fill those extra seats with excuses – or a day’s worth of shopping in an open-air market.

But what to do about that last friend – the disruptor to strict observance of CDC recommendations. Once again, the Q60 Red Sport has the answer: With a twin-turbocharged V6 at your disposal, you can convert 400 horsepower into the type of hell-raising ride that’s sure to deter any repeat companions. Revel as the acceleration, cornering grip, braking tenacity, and cacophonous exhaust reduce your passenger into a cowering mass. When fully assured of his or her inconsolable terror, simply arrange an Uber or Lyft and bid farewell to your former friend.

When your loved ones think of you, alone in your 400hp cell, they’ll speak of your selflessness – of how you adhere to social distancing practices despite the sacrifices. Do they really need to know that you’ve been indulging in the Q60’s sumptuous seats, captivating curves, and dazzling dynamics while on the hunt for toilet paper? It’s probably best to leave that out of your Insta story.

Miles Branman
Miles Branman developed a passion for cars early on thanks to a neighbor’s collection of rare and exotic vehicles. What…
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