Absurd Flat Earth Cruise Offers a Visit to the Planet’s Giant Ice Wall

History’s greatest explorers traveled to the so-called “ends of the earth.” Marco Polo journeyed farther than anyone before him; Roald Amundsen tackled the South Pole; even The Proclaimers walked 500 miles … then 500 more. That’s all well and good, but has anyone actually visited The End of the Earth? The answer is “no,” but that’s about to change thanks to next year’s epic Flat Earth Cruise 2020.

Ahead of the cruise’s big reveal, The Flat Earth Society isn’t saying much about the details. One thing we know for sure is that it’s setting sail with a singular purpose: to test flat-Earthers’ long-held assertion that our planet is, in fact, a flat disk. To prove their theory, they plan to visit the Game of Thrones-style ice wall that surrounds our world — the one that contains the oceans so all the water, dolphins, and seahorses don’t spill into space.

“Beyond the ice wall is a topic of great interest to the Flat Earth Society,” the official website proclaims. “To our knowledge, no one has been very far past the ice wall and returned to tell of their journey. What we do know is that it encircles the earth and serves to hold in our oceans and helps protect us from whatever lies beyond.”

There is some question as to how the ship will find its way to the wall. The nautical charts that sailors have relied on for centuries and our modern, satellite-based GPS technology all work because of the Earth’s spherical shape. Perhaps the Society plans to unveil their own, state-of-the-art, flat-Earth-based navigational system ahead of the cruise. We can only hope.

flat earth map

Despite all evidence to the contrary, for more than a century the Flat Earth Society has maintained that our planet is not, indeed, a sphere. Instead, they posit that it’s a massive, flat disc with the Arctic Circle at its center and Antarctica as a towering, 150-foot-tall ice wall around Earth’s rim. They’re confident NASA is a black ops government agency whose sole purpose is to guard this wall from naysayers, dragons, and kraken. They also firmly believe gravity is an illusion, we’re orbited by an invisible “antimoon,” and the sun is only 3,000 miles above the Earth. The society dismisses all photographic and scientific evidence to the contrary as fake.

Theme cruises are all the rage right now. There are relaxed golf-centric cruises and holistic healing cruises, cruises for chocolate lovers and poker players. There are even amped-up cruises just for wrestling fans, hardcore Trekkies, and Packers supporters. However, none can possibly hold a candle to this sheer, Alex Jones-level craziness that the Flat Earth Society is describing as their “biggest, boldest, best adventure yet.”

Like the evidence for their conspiracy theories, details for the cruise are non-existent. Pricing and an official itinerary have yet to be announced. For a sneak peek of what promises to be a thoroughly entertaining trip, check out the Flat Earth International Conference in Dallas this November. They’re hosting an all-star line-up of featured speakers from “around the world” (Get it?). Tickets start at $199 …or you can enjoy it with popcorn and Skittles from the comfort of your couch via live stream for just $28.


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