Do Your Ass a Favor and Get a Tushy Bidet Attachment. Seriously.

I’ll be the first to admit that I was more than a tad fearful and skeptical of the Tushy bidet attachment when the sample arrived at my apartment. My previous experiences with bidets and bidet attachments have all involved either European hotel rooms or Japanese bathrooms, which are both so far out of the sphere of standard American bathroom-ness that I chalked those mildly bad experiences to my lack of traditional bidet knowledge. After using my Tushy Classic for the past several months, however, I can say without hesitation that yes, my initial trepidation about using a bidet only existed because 1) I wasn’t used to the idea of water shooting at my asshole and 2) I wasn’t entirely sure how to use them properly.

With Tushy, all of that is explained.

Straight out of the box, the set up is super simple and quick. It took me less than 10 minutes to attach the bidet feature to my toilet, place the toilet seat on top, and reconnect the cold water supply. In that time, I also was able to clean the toilet (which is some damned fine multi-tasking if I do say so myself).

The instructions are clear and let you know in no uncertain terms that there’s going to be water blasting your butt and you should be grateful for that. Why? Because unlike toilet paper, which can sometimes feel like sandpaper, and unlike wet wipes, which can cause irritation and sometimes allergic reactions, water is water. It’s clean, the universal solvent, and removes leftover poo from you faster, easier, and more hygienically than scraping away at it with paper will.

As the brand says itself, “Due to the bleaching process, standard toilet paper contains harsh chemicals that are harmful to your body and your booty. Using toilet paper also spreads infections such as UTIs and yeast infections. Wiping with dry, flimsy and scratchy paper can perpetuate uncomfortable hemorrhoids and painful anal fissures.”

So, now you know what kinds of problems using a bidet can prevent or address, you’re probably wondering, how does the damned thing work?

Simply put, you do your business, reach to the right of your toilet for your Tushy pressure adjust knob and turn to the right for a gentle spray from the bidet attachment. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can crank up the pressure as high as you want, but I suggest going easy the first few times around. Once you feel all clear down there, turn the knob to the left to rinse off the bidet nozzle. The rinse option really put my fears of cross-contamination to rest since one of my main worries was that I’d be spraying my ass with leftover poop particles from whoever had used the Tushy before me. Nope. Clean water from a clean nozzle, all the time.

After that, just pat dry with a few pieces of toilet paper and off you go with a just-showered fresh feeling. However, if you’re not a fan of cold water accosting your nethers early in the morning, Tushy also offers up the Tushy Spa, which provides the option for hot water, but requires a little extra work and access to a hot water connection (which most toilets do not have in proximity, thus you’ll have to run a line from your toilet to your bathroom sink, which isn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing).

But whichever Tushy bidet attachment option you choose, you’ll still get that super clean, super fresh feeling you normally only get from a full-on shower.

And Tushy doesn’t just help you and your own ass, but for every Tushy purchased, a family is provided with one-month of access to clean community toilets built by Samagra in rural India.

Now, that’s what we call “good shit.”

Article originally published July 20, 2018.

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