Just over a decade ago, I sat in my freshly pressed chef’s whites, young and eager to learn in a crowded culinary school classroom. We were going through our ServSafe training and certification process, and our instructor was slicing a strawberry whilst stressing the importance of always wearing latex gloves when preparing food for a large crowd. Without actually thinking about what I was about to say, I raised my hand and innocently asked in a spirit of authentic desire to educate myself, “But Chef, wouldn’t that flavor transfer to certain foods? Latex has a very distinct taste.” It took me about four seconds, a classroom erupting with laughter, and a chef instructor who had just turned as red as the strawberry he was slicing, to realize what had just escaped my mouth.
This is more embarrassing than that.
In an answer to a request that absolutely no one made, Oscar Mayer has just released its first-ever… hot dog straw. Yes, you read that correctly. We’ll leave it to Oscar Mayer to explain it best, saying in their recent press release for the product, “Using a delicious Oscar Mayer wiener as its muse, the Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Straw mirrors the same size and color of a delicious, cooked dog and is made using food safe soft silicone to replicate the feel of a real Oscar Mayer hot dog.”
We’re unsure as to whether that reads as cringy or just straight inappropriate, but either way, it’s exactly what you’re imagining.
The strangely phallic straw with its “authentic color and feel” is a response to a video that went viral last year, featuring a seemingly eccentric gentleman at a ball game who thought to tunnel a hole straight through his hot dog in order to sip his beer with it. Now, we’re not here to judge, but…why, hot dog straw guy?
Riding the weird wave of hilarity that followed this video, Oscar Mayer is apparently cashing in on this dire need, and here we are. A weiner straw through which beer can be sipped (and it’s already sold out).
“While the viral ‘Hot Dog Straw’ divided the internet, we salute the brave man who paved the way to enjoy his hot dog as he wishes,” said Kelsey Rice, Associate Director at Oscar Mayer. “Taking inspiration from a classic Oscar Mayer dog, the silicone Hot Dog Straw is designed for optimal sipping…”
This is why we can’t have nice things.
