When Drake wrote the lyrics, “I only love my bed and my momma,” he was probably referring to the Tatami Massage Bed— the most epic bed frame ever created.
Tatami is a hybrid of comfort and an invitation to never get out of bed, even if you need to do work, go to the spa for a massage, or plug in your iPhone and listen to music. Tatami has everything and more.
Sold by Chinese online shopping website Taobao, the Tatami Massage Bed is a sleeping space meets living room recliner meets Ikea storage compartment meets massaging lounger meets workstation. Yes. It’s all that and more. In the middle of the structure is a simple bed frame that fits two people (not sold with a mattress). The frame can be lifted up for extra storage of decorative pillows, an extra blanket, your favorite 90s snacks, whatever you need during your day in bed.
At the foot of the frame is a cushioned bench that opens up for storage and/or sitting. At the top of the Tatami, above your pillows, are two adjustable backrests that resemble the tops of old-man recliners (one of the most comfortable inventions ever made). This allows you to sit up, watch TV, and eat dinner in bed without having to stack pillows.
Let’s say you just finished binge-watching Castle Rock on Hulu and you’ve got a knot in your shoulder. Roll over and slink onto the massaging lounge bed (this and the footstool can be detached and moved to fit on either side of the Tatami), grab the connected remote control and hit, well, any button (unless you’re fluent in Chinese in which case you’ll know which one does what). Seven massaging orbs positioned in the backrest will start gyrating.
Time to answer emails? Roll back onto the mattress and pull out the pop-up side table. Plug in your computer and phone via the charging outlets and turn on some music via the built-in radio and speakers.
Once night falls, turn on the reading light and pull out a book from any of the multiple storage boxes on either side of the Tatami. Order delivery because why get out of bed now?
Tatami comes in nine colorways from red to grey and even pink, but unfortunately, the superbed is out of stock on the Taobao website. You can still rest easy knowing this bed is not a myth. The Tatami superbed is real, meaning someone lazier than you got so fed up with leaving their bed they decided to build one they never have to get out of.
The only thing Tatami is missing is a mini fridge, but seeing as there’s an outlet, we’re game for Frankenstein-ing additions to build our own Tatami 2.0.
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