Look, I probably don’t know you personally, so don’t take this the wrong way, but I just don’t think you’re ever going to be the world’s strongest man. Or the fastest. Or the tallest. And you’re probably never going to own the world’s largest collection of stamps or bake the biggest cake or grow the biggest pumpkin.
But you know what you could do? You could set the record for the fastest mile run while wearing a cowboy hat and bathrobe and carrying two Greenwing Macaws. Or you could build the world’s largest penny-farthing bicycle. And maybe you could even set the record for eating the most Peanut Butter M&M’S while standing naked in Times Square, which would probably only be like, 10 or 15 minutes before New York’s finest took you down with extreme prejudice.
However, those easy-to-break world records are also — how does one put this? — stupid. Sure, you could be the first one to complete this or that inane or obscure or inscrutable goal, but it’s hardly an accomplishment if no one else will ever care. Instead, today we’ve found five easy world records to break that might actually get you a few free beers (or at least a nod of genuine admiration).
Most Stamps Licked In One Minute
The current Guinness Book of World Records record for the most stamps licked and applied to envelopes is 70, and it has been held by a gentleman from Nepal since 2010. Sure, averaging more than a stamp a second is impressive, but it’s not some pseudo-inhuman feat that you shouldn’t even dream of rivaling. Nay, this is a record that’s not only within the realm of possibility to beat, but one that might just earn you the kind of bragging rights your years warming the bench during high school football games failed to satisfy. “Hey, I licked and applied at least 71 stamps in 60 seconds, can you buy me a drink? Well, can I buy you a drink? OK, can I buy myself a drink?”
The World’s Biggest Disco Ball
At present, the biggest disco ball ever created measured more than 33 feet in diameter. It was made for the band Chic, who have been belting out hits since the late 1970s and setting world records for displaying massive balls — er — disco balls since 2014. Yes, creating a sphere that’s more than 33 feet across and covering it with reflective squares will take effort, but if you set your mind to it, you really can’t be stopped. The only question is … why set your mind to it?
The Fastest Heel-to-Toe 10-Meter “Sprint”
The world record for walking 10 meters heel-to-toe is 10.58 seconds. You could walk heel-toe-heel-toe faster than that, right? Just keep practicing and focusing on your balance and you’ll have it in no time. And the larger your feet, the easier it becomes to attain this record. Like say Shaquille O’Neal decided to go for this record: at a basically unheard of size 22 foot, he would have to take half the steps of many contenders. Granted, you’re not Shaq, but … if you were, that would help a lot here.
Fastest Chess Board Setup
The current RecordSetter speed record for setting up a chessboard from random distribution dumped onto the board is just over 24 seconds. It was set in mid 2015, and look — it’s impressive. But if you keep at it, you will beat this record. My advice is not to worry too much about your own speed, but about the luck of the positioning of the pieces when you dump them into the middle of the board, as required for this record attempt. Bad pour of the pieces? Just start over. The fact is, the record time hasn’t shrunk dramatically in many years off attempts, so if you stick with it, this is one you can attain.
The Largest Collection of All Sorts of Stuff
At the time of this writing, the world’s largest privately held collection of rubber ducks belongs to a woman who has just over 5,630 rubber duckies. The largest collection of jigsaw puzzles was numbered at just under 1,050 a couple years back. The biggest collection of teddy bears was a bit over 8,000. These records are all impressive at first glance, but then you realize that all you need to do to surpass them is spend money. Buy 5,700 rubber duckies, and you’ve got a lock on the rubber ducky record. By 1,100 puzzles, and you have that one in place with a margin. Get 8,500 bears for good measure, and then get yourself some counseling sessions, because that’s a bit crazy … but still a record.