OK, you don’t actually have to forget about the hallowed institution of the Presidential debate drinking game, and, in fact, given the horrid spectacle that the final 2016 Presidential debate is sure to be, you might not want to.
But there are other options as well. You could play a Presidential debate eating game, where you and your friends eat five jelly beans every time Clinton makes a solid statement on policy and chow down on a handful of capers every time Trump insults an entire gender, ethnicity, or religion! (Ideally you like capers.) Or you could play a Presidential debate knitting game where you all like… knit something. Like a sock? Bleh.
Here’s a great idea that was slipped to me by a friend who works with the good people over at Bowflex: why not drop all the boozing and knitting in favor of a Presidential debate workout game? It’s easy! You just follow the steps in the chart below and you’re assured of a whole body workout that will have you sweating out almost as many toxins as you take in by listening to the candidates fight.
Feel free to add in your own moves, like a punching a heavy bag every time sound comes out of Trump’s mouth or doing a lunge away from the television each time Clinton flashes that toothy, unsettling grin. Here are the basics:
Now, if you want to take in some electoral politics, get a great whole body workout, and deaden that gnawing sensation you feel hollowing out your soul as you realize that yes, this really is the state of top level American politics today and yes, this really is representative of and deserved by tens of millions of your countrymen, then also take a shot of bourbon each time Trump snuffles up another nose-ful of mucous or a moderator lets out a sigh easily interpreted as utter surrender.
If you need to know a bit more about the exercises mentioned, check out Bowflex’s page here. And also, for the record, yes, it’s very hard to find pictures of either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton exercising. Go figure.