I spend a lot of time thinking about the apocalypse.
I’ve fantasized about it for many years – long before it became fashionable. Despite the horrific scenes of The Walking Dead, I still think of the apocalypse favorably. That’s because – despite my more logical mind – I imagine myself occupying a mountain top villa somewhere in the Rockies, living out my days in comfort and solitude. I’ll drink expensive champagne that the previous homeowners abandoned in haste, watching Charlton Heston movies like The Omega Man.
Despite my dreams of chalet life, I mostly ponder what car or truck I desire for when the end of days inevitably strikes. For many years, I was practical. I imagined myself piloting a Subaru across the plains. Then, I upgraded to the rare Dodge Ram Diesel Hybrid that was only produced for a short while. That one, including being incredibly rugged, could be switched over into a Generator Mode and could power three average American homes, which should be just enough for my villa. This, I fear, was also too practical for my tastes.
Every time a new heavy-duty truck or hard-hitting SUV is unveiled, I am immediately and momentarily transported to my post-apocalyptic vision, running up rural mountain roads at breakneck speeds with my dog riding shotgun, churning up a sky’s worth of dust and making much racket.
So if the global society collapsed today, what modern truck would be ideal as a post-apocalyptic runabout? The first one that comes to mind is the Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6×6.
With four doors, a pickup bed, and a face that could give small children PTSD, it’s clearly fit for a despotic dictator or Arabian prince. Powered by a twin-turbo 5.5-liter V8, the G63 AMG 6×6 makes 544 horsepower and 561 pound-feet of torque. It’s safe to say, then, the G63 AMG 6×6 is more truck than most anyone could ever want.
Except me. During the apocalypse. No, if I had my druthers, I’d much rather have the Brabus B63S 700 6×6 pictured above.
As we’ve discussed before, Brabus is an aftermarket Mercedes-Benz tuning company that takes AMG cars and trucks and squeezes from them near 700 horsepower and upgrades the exterior and interior with red leather and garish rims. The same has been done to with the B63S.
The big, black truck started life as a G63 AMG 6×6 but then Brabus fitted two bigger, more power turbos to the 5.5 V8 and a devil-red interior stitched to the inside. After the Brabus ‘laying on of hands,’ the B63S 700 6×6 now makes 690 hp and 708 lb-ft. Power is sent to all six drive wheels through an AMG 7-speed transmission, complete with paddle shifters.
Now this enormous hunk of German steel and earthquake inducing power can go 0-62 mph in just over seven seconds. This might not seem fast but take into consideration that the drivetrain has to turn six 37-inch tires on a truck with a curb weight that likely pushes past three tons.
I know many folks think you’d want to run under the radar after the world as we know it ends. I disagree. I want to be seen and feared. I’ll blow through the countryside on the way to my villa yelling and carrying on like Nick Cage in Bad Lieutenant.
Clearly, at this rate, I won’t make it long during the end of days. I’ll likely be assassinated and eaten within a matter of months. But that’s OK because I will have one hell of a time while I’m at it. After all, who really wants to live a quiet life under the radar subsisting on sardines canned during the Carter administration for three decades anyhow? Not me.
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