When I sold suits to men, I trained my staff to sell to a particular person involved in the transaction. When you are selling anything to a group of people, one person typically calls the shots. When I sold a wedding suit, no matter how often I asked the man what they were looking for, they always directed the question to the bride. Sometimes, to the bride’s mother. For years, a wedding was the bride’s day. The man had to do nothing but grunt or nod in agreement and show up on the day, doing what he was told. But the tide is shifting as men take more ownership over their appearance. A man’s style is a personal expression of who they are, and they want to be remembered on the day for how they look as well.
I had the opportunity to sit down with Ken and Will Giddon, owners and operators of New York men’s style staple Rothman’s NY, to get insight into this new trend. The man used to think that he would never be wearing a suit or tuxedo again, that it was only to make the bride happy. Will Giddon sees a shift in that dynamic.
“I think that gap is rapidly shrinking,” he says. “Men are starting to take more agency in how they look.”
It starts before the wedding
Many of us men never took the agency that Will talks about. We go from our mothers dressing us when we are young to our girlfriends and wives dressing us the way they want us, like a live-action Ken doll. So when the day comes for our wedding, it becomes a bit of a high-leverage moment to allow the man to choose what he is going to wear for the first time on the day that will be immortalized in a frame above the couch. Therefore, learning how to dress should start long before your wedding day, and the Giddons try to impose that feeling daily.
“A lot of the goal I have when working with someone is you want that moment when a guy walks out of the store, in casual clothing or sportswear, and sees himself in a new light,” Will says. “I think we have all had that moment when we look at ourselves and think, ‘Oh, this is what it looks like when I put myself together.’ Ideally, he has that moment before he puts on his wedding outfit for the first time. He realizes that a little bit of effort actually puts him in a position where he loves the way he looks and he loves the way he feels. Once you have that moment, you begin to take ownership over your own style.”
Learning the hard way
Unfortunately, everything you learn comes from failing first. You have to be open to being bad at something before being good at it. With style, that means suffering some awful outfits and discovering that you are, in fact, not David Beckham or Ryan Reynolds. The good news is that with style, you can easily learn from others’ mistakes. When you are in your early twenties to early thirties, you can see dozens of your friends make the same mistake repeatedly, so you can go into it with a little more knowledge and foresight.
“As part of the age group that is going through six to ten weddings a year, we’re seeing what the grooms look like. When you look back, you know. I don’t want to look like that. By the time it is my turn, I want to look fantastic. I want to capture the attention. Not steal it from your bride, but to also look like it is also my day. Typically, the groom wears a nicer tux than the rest of the party. Just a little nicer outfit, he wants to stand out from the rest of the group,” he says.
Ken has a novel idea to change the wedding game
Now, here are some insightful tips to make your wedding day memorable. The first tip is one that we have accepted and watched brides do for years: the wardrobe change. After the ceremony, the bride routinely ditches the big, elegant dress for something a little more comfortable to cut a rug at the reception (is that phrase still a thing? Did I date myself there?). That idea is perfect for the guys. When you go for the wedding look, get two. One for the stiff ceremony, and one for the moment when you can let loose and, I know this seems counter-intuitive for many of you, enjoy your day.
“We’ve been really preaching, I call it effectionately ‘The Costume Change’ because guys aren’t as serious about it,” Ken says. “We have been really big on guys in tuxes throwing on a dinner jacket.”
And in case you are trying to decide whether you should rent or buy, Ken has a little tidbit to think about there as well. “Do you really want to wear a tux for your wedding that some high school kid wore to his prom last week? Is that the direction we’re heading?”
At the end of the day, this is your day as much as it is the bride’s day. Men are beginning to see and understand this, and the shift is happening. You don’t get a lot of input on the rest of the day. The flowers, the cake, the decorations, the venue, most of it will be to make her day magical. What you wear should do the same for you. Join the movement and take more agency over what you wear.
