Living in New York City offers a slew of opportunities to meet new people. As a matter of fact, even when you want to be alone, you’re likely going to meet six or seven. There are new people everywhere. And more of them, like myself, show up every day. So I tend to relish meeting as many as possible. But when I met James McMillian, it was different. He is striking. Sure, he is handsome, built like a steam engine, and dresses like he just left the red carpet. But it is more than that with him. The room gravitated towards him. And, simultaneously, split for him as if he were parting the Red Sea. What is it about him? Confidence. Appearance. Aura. He struck me as a man who has it all. So, I wanted to find out how he did it. We spoke at length about his life, profession, discipline, and mindset. And, as the president of Tone House, a premier athletic training facility in New York City, he proved to have a lifestyle most of us crave. So, how did he do it?
Progress over perfection. Take your time. The small wins are the most important because longevity is key. Give yourself grace and become a life athlete. – James McMillian, Tone House President
Fitness and community
First and foremost, as the president of Tone House, his life revolves around fitness. And, he has the physique to prove it. While he is the man with a plan to get you in shape, it is also important that you have guidance and community to keep you motivated. His gym has the community built in, but it is more than that. Outside the gym, you need people to cheer you on and to push you to be a better version of yourself. For him, the motivation came from his very first community.
“I would say, my parents. They kept me in sports and kept me going. Every year, they would buy a new piece of equipment I could use to get stronger for sports. I grew up in the era of intense coaching and learning grit early. The workouts I did as a kid would probably take me out as a grown man now. But at this stage of life, my like-minded friends keep me motivated.”
Nutrition
Ok, he kept his shirt on when we met, but if you follow him on Instagram, you will be able to see that he is easily the man to talk to when it comes to building that superhero body. But the gym is the iceberg, the part above the water. The ice beneath the surface is the work he puts in in the kitchen. So, of course, I had to ask what his typical day in the kitchen looked like.
- Wake up: water and protein first. Not coffee and chaos.
- Breakfast: high protein, moderate carbs, something fast, like eggs, Greek yogurt, oats, protein shake, and fruit.
- Midday: don’t “see what happens.” Have your food already handled. For me, that’s grilled chicken, rice, vegetables, steak bowl, or turkey wrap.
- Afternoon: protein snack before the energy crash, a shake, beef sticks, fruit, cottage cheese.
- Dinner: simple whole foods, including protein, carbs, and vegetables.
- Late night: avoid random snacking because that’s where physiques get destroyed.
Travel and resetting
If you have been reading my work for a bit, you know that I travel a great deal. I never worked out on the road. Hell, you’re not supposed to when you go on vacation. But, as a professional vacationer, I took that too far. But, I asked James, who is an entrepreneur and dedicated athlete, how he ever gets away and how he maintains on the road.
“I tailor my trips around emotion and resets. Because I have a high-profile and busy schedule most of the time, when I travel, working out is not the main focus. You can train anywhere your body is.”
Style
Ok, now that the body is taken care of (thanks, James, all of us will look like you in a matter of 600 years), let’s move on to dressing it up. When I was selling suits, seeing a man like him walk into my store was my worst nightmare. While most men work with a 6-inch drop (46 jacket with 40-inch waist), a man like James probably has a 400-inch drop. Obviously, I am being dramatic. But this is actually one of the things that makes him so fascinating. Because most men who are built like him don’t dress up. They stick to gym clothing because it fits them. It is stretchy, baggy, and makes room for their build. James is different. So, what motivated him to dress up, and how does he find the opportunity to dress up when half of his life is spent running a gym?
“The great thing about NYC is you can have your career, but also have many side missions and reasons to become an entirely different person. For me, stepping into those other worlds is when I can shine. I also attend and support friends’ and clients’ events, which gives me opportunities to lean into style. But the most important place for me to elevate my look is at family events. I like showing them a more dapper approach to style.”
Oh, and for you guys who think you’re too big or can’t fit in regular clothes…he does it better than most, and here are his thoughts on it.
“Get away from the mindset that because you have muscles or wild measurements, you can’t find clothes that work for you. Buy a bigger size and invest in tailoring. Also, be okay with things not fitting exactly how they were designed to fit. That’s the great thing about style; it’s whatever you envision it to be. I usually think of a style first, then find brands that match that vision.”
Disconnecting
Now, for the important question: How do you recharge? For a guy like James, and for any of you who are chasing dreams the way he does, recharging is something you likely have a complicated relationship with. Of course, logically, you know it is vital. But every time you go to rest and recharge, you start spinning about what you could be doing. So what does a man like James do, and how does he find the time and the space to recharge?
“I set non-negotiables so they become part of the system. I hold myself accountable to recovery the same way I would with work. Even something as simple as music helps. I’m a big R&B fan, and it calms my mind.” A man as busy as him has to get away, so when I asked him about disconnecting and finding his zen, here is what he said. “Finding my zen is always connected to some form of nature. I purposely choose water-view apartments because I like sitting back and letting the waves think for me. I get mesmerized by them. It relaxes my soul. Those are usually the moments where I speak affirmations into myself because I feel blessed.”
Fatherhood
Now for the part that blew me away: James is a new father. All of the things on his plate: running a business, building a brand, staying at peak performance, all of it is on top of being a strong and present father. For most of us (you know, the mere mortals), this would be the time when it all changed. We would use it as a reason to slow down and be home. But James is built different. This wasn’t the reason for him to stop. This was the reason to go further and harder.
“The honest truth is I feel stronger and more content in the gym because instead of just chasing goals, I now want to be strong to be the best example and protector for my son. The fight in the gym has a purpose now.” Of course, being a journalist has me always asking for the deeper answer, so I pushed a little on the purpose. “My drive is fueled by legacy. I understand that I’m building something for my family because it’s not just about me anymore. I’m more focused on building something bigger than myself. At the same time, I set non-negotiables with my family: walks together, lunch dates, and bedtime routines. Every night, I make it home for my son’s 8 PM put-down. Once he’s asleep, it’s back to work.”
So, for all of you guys out there looking for ways to elevate yourself this year, especially if you’re a new dad, here is James’s advice: “Focus on structure and scheduling with work because you can’t fully schedule around a baby. They’re still learning their nervous system, and everything can change hour to hour. Communicate with your partner and create shifts. For me, I’m a night owl, so my shift usually goes until 3 AM, but then I can sleep straight through afterward.”
