They really don’t make them like they used to, and pulling up to an event in a vintage Mercedes, Rolls-Royce, or Jaguar has a certain romanticism about it. But while vintage luxury vehicles are indeed classier and better looking than their contemporary counterparts, buying one is the worst decision you’ll ever make.
Admittedly, you won’t be dealing with convoluted electrical systems, or other modern comfort features. Nor will you be handling a lot of cheap and complex plastic parts that are meant to be thrown away entirely when they fail. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t in for a world of hurt.
Many of you will already know all of this, but if you are currently looking for a 1980s Bentley on Facebook Marketplace and thinking “I can spare $3000,” please read on first. That three grand is little more than a deposit.
Some of the “cutting edge” features in these vehicles are sadistic
Remember how I just said you wouldn’t be dealing with convoluted electrical systems or other modern comfort features? Well, you will be dealing with their very complicated ancestors.
Normally, flipping the hood on something from the 70s or 80s means you’ll be greeted by an air filter, carburetor, and an ignition system that isn’t that complicated once you actually look at it. Look under the hood on a Mercedes from that era, and your engine will be buried below a beautiful but needlessly complex fuel system designed by an absolute sadist at Bosch. And it will 100% be broken.
Suspension is also going to be a major issue with pretty much all of these vehicles. Comfort was a priority in luxury cars from a few decades ago, so convoluted hydraulic or pneumatic suspension systems were the norm for the most part. Those eventually leak, and getting them replaced professionally is obscenely expensive. Replacing them yourself is one of the most frustrating and complex endeavors you’ll ever undertake, if you’re tempted to get the wrenches out.
Then there’s the electrical systems, which aren’t doing as much as you see in a modern car, but will still be threaded through the engine bay like a violent mass of sparky spaghetti. Those aren’t going to be in good condition. Even if some type of rodent hasn’t eaten its way through the tastiest parts, the rubber and plastic used in a wiring harness does not age well. Expect it to be shorting out, dry, cracked, and 100% your problem.
The wiring harness issue gets even worse on European vehicles built between the late 80s and early 90s. In an attempt to save the planet, manufacturers decided to slap biodegradable wiring harnesses in many of the vehicles they produced. The good news is, the biodegradable harnesses did their job and degraded drastically over time. The bad news is, if the vehicle you’re looking at somehow still has one it will 100% need rewiring.
The parts still cost an absolute bomb
If you buy a popular, sexy, and easy to work on classic — like a 1969 Mustang Mach 1, you’re going to have a great time. Almost every part of the vehicle is easy to work on, used parts are available in abundance if you insist on going original, and there’s also a huge aftermarket industry for vehicles like that. So you can get new stuff, for a reasonable price, too. Because Ford made a whole bunch of Mustangs.
Find an old luxury vehicle, and the initial purchase is pretty much guaranteed to be the cheap part. Luxury models are usually very low volume vehicles. Rolls-Royce, for instance, only makes a few thousand vehicles per year. So spare parts are hard to come by, and the “aftermarket” option essentially doesn’t exist. In fact, it’s often cheaper to just buy two or three of the classic luxury vehicle you want, and hope there’s enough functional parts between them to make one functional vehicle.
You’ll also have issues with tools. Certain manufacturers (who want you to service your vehicle at their dealerships) absolutely loved installing systems and parts that could only be serviced with proprietary equipment that only their dealerships had, and that may not exist any more.
If you want to do this to yourself, committing sacrilege may be sensible
If this sounds bad so far, I haven’t even mentioned things like rust, or the fact that insurance is going to massively undervalue the vehicles, or the specialist fluids you need, or the amount of gas an old V8 used, or the lack of specialist labor. If a problem with your vehicle is too much for you, you can’t just wheel something like a Rolls-Royce Silver Spur into a local garage and have Bubba take a stab at it. The number of professionals who can work on these vehicles is very small, and the hourly rate those people charge very much reflects this. But there is another way to go.
So you want a 1980s E-Class Merc or whatever because it looks great. You can keep those looks, spare yourself some trouble, and probably save some money, by just “restomodding” the thing.
Restomodding isn’t an easy or cheap process, and may not appeal to everyone. You’re essentially ripping everything out and leaving a sort of aesthetic shell, which you;ll then fill with more agreeable modern parts. It’s not an option if you want to keep it all original, and it will utterly destroy any value your vehicle has to collectors. But you will end up with a vehicle you can actually maintain that probably performs better too.
