Skip to main content

The Manual may earn a commission when you buy through links on our site.

Let’s Start the Conversation About Men’s Mental Health

Now perhaps more than ever before, we need to talk about men’s mental health. With the world facing such unprecedented challenges and turmoil, we are all on an emotional roller coaster every day. If you’re experiencing this, you’re not alone. This is precisely why it is important to have honest conversations about mental health issues: We all need to know first and foremost that they are nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.

Why is this so critical? Mental health must be discussed and dealt with directly so that people who are suffering from depression, anxiety, addiction, and other maladies of the mind can find the help they need in order to live better lives.

Why Is This Important, and How Does This Affect Men?

man sitting in the dark.
Jonathan Rados / Unsplash

So why is it that when it comes to the “his” there, we’re not talking and not fixing it? In 2020, men in the United States died by suicide a staggering 3.88 times more often than women, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Why? When women are suffering from mental health issues, they seek help. Far too often, men don’t. There are many reasons for this, from not knowing what help to seek to having limited access to help to not wanting to admit issues, even to ourselves. However, according to Dr. Sherry Benton, a therapist with more than 25 years of experience working with patients, the reason many men suffer in silence is due to a culturally prescribed vision of masculinity that prevents men from seeking the help they may desperately need.

Let’s change the conversation by starting the conversation because it’s OK to talk about male mental health issues. It’s not wise for a man to blame himself, isolate himself, and risk losing himself.

We spoke to Dr. Benton — who along with her clinical work also founded TAO Connect, an online organization committed to reducing mental health issues with affordable, effective, and accessible treatment for people with limited access to therapy — about men and their well-being.

The Interview

A man cries alone.
Photo by Daniel Reche, licensed under Creative Commons, and made available by Pixabay Fotorech / Pixabay

The Manual: Why do men avoid seeking help with mental health issues?

Sherry Benton: Men tend to be socialized to hide signs of emotion or weakness. Unfortunately, common mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, are often seen as a weakness, rather than a neurologically based disorder. Most men would not hesitate to seek help if their heart was the problem, but when the problem is centered in the brain and nervous system, they hide and feel somehow “less than.”

TM: How do mental and emotional health issues — like depression or suicidal thoughts — manifest in men?

SB: Sometimes symptoms are a little different in men [than in women]. For example, depression in men often involves irritability and anger, which are less common symptoms in women with depression.

man walking in a forest.
Image used with permission by copyright holder

TM: Why are male mental health issues more stigmatized than female issues, and what can our society do to break that mold?

SB: Recognize that mental health issues are just different organs with a different body system involved. Personal strength or weakness has nothing to do with whether someone has heart disease, and the same is true for mental health problems. A friend of my husband struggled with bipolar disorder and recently relapsed, ending up in the hospital. He was mortified, and he didn’t want to face his friends. My husband asked him if he’d feel the same if he was hospitalized after a heart attack, and this was a revelation for his friend. The reality is that mental health problems are not different, and it should not be considered different from other medical problems.

TM: What are the best resources for men facing emotional and mental health struggles? What are the best ways to commence dealing with these issues?

SB: Prevention is extremely important for our mental health. We all know that we need to watch our diets and exercise regularly to take care of our physical health. These activities can also help prevent mental health problems from developing. Additionally, mindfulness meditation and learning cognitive-behavioral strategies to modify our thinking are very helpful in preventing mental health issues. Online mental health tools such as TAO Connect can help men learn and practice these skills. If mental health problems do develop, seek help early. Talk with your primary care physician or find a therapist. Mental health problems are easier to treat when they have not become entrenched.

man cooking.
Hero Images/Getty Images

TM: Is the lack of adequate attention paid to male mental health a public health problem, a societal issue, or a combination of both?

SB: Stigma persists, regardless of gender, largely because we misunderstand mental health issues. We think mental health issues are somehow volitional, but people don’t intentionally develop mental health problems. If you noticed a close friend had a bad rash, would you hesitate to ask if they’ve seen a doctor? Probably not. We’d express empathy and concern. On the other hand, if your close friend started showing symptoms of depression, how comfortable would you feel asking about this and suggesting they see a doctor?  Many people would struggle with the second scenario, fearing their friend might be offended. But why?   

TM: What has contributed to the culture of toxic masculinity? What can be done to begin alleviating it?

SB: If you think about traditional socialization by gender, we give dolls and tea sets to little girls and tell them to “relate.” We give balls, bats, and toy guns to little boys and tell them to “compete.” While this is an over-generalization, and this has slightly changed over the past 40 years, some of these trends linger. To offset, boys need to be taught to relate, and girls need to be taught to compete.

The cover photo was provided by PxHere.

Editors' Recommendations

Topics
Andrew Davey
Andrew Davey is a writer who has spent a long time in "hard news" journalism, but who has also pursued interests in food and…
Why Mental Health Matters (and Why It’s Time to Change Our Perspective)
A therapy session.

American society has a skewed perspective on therapy. Can you imagine anyone being ridiculed for seeking physical therapy after tearing an ACL? Of course not — no one can expect to heal properly from a serious injury without a PT regimen. But replace the word “physical” with “mental” and our attitudes toward treatment shift dramatically.

I, too, was guilty of questioning the necessity and effectiveness of mental health practices. Then a drunk driver slammed into my motorcycle, leaving me with a brain injury. Suddenly, I was grappling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and severe emotional fluctuations that were just as disabling as any physical ailment.

Read more
Everything points to Apple TV+ making a change you’re not going to like
Is an ad-supported tier coming to Apple TV+?
The Apple TV Plus Logo

It turns out that TV worked pretty well under its old model. According to a new report from Business Insider, Apple TV+ may be the latest streaming service that's set to introduce an ad-supported tier and charge those who don't stream with ads a premium fee to access their great shows and movies.

At this point, the report is still speculation, but Apple has made several recent hires in the advertising space that seem to suggest the direction they're planning to take. The company recently hired former NBCUniversal ad executive Joseph Cady to serve as executive vice president of advanced advertising and partnerships, a move that comes following the company's hiring of another former NBCUniversal executive, Jason Frum, who joined Apple's video ad sales team.

Read more
From Gilda Radner to Ali Wong, these are the best female comedians of all time
These women from all generations will make you laugh out loud
Ai Wong comedian 2017 Moontower comedy festival

Hot take: I don’t care for straight male comedians. It’s not that they’re not funny, they’re just … I don’t know, boring? Maybe that’s reductive of me, but I never seem to leave a straight male comedian’s set feeling particularly inspired. And though some may argue that it’s not important for a set to "inspire" its audience, I’d actually argue that the opposite is true. For me, I want to see a comedian use humor to address real issues and say real things about the world, even if they do it in a completely goofy way.

Therefore, I tend to prefer female and female-identified comedians. They’re sharp, tough, and have often seen shit that makes their comedy feel raw and true. Undoubtedly there are male comedians who do this, too, but to a much lesser degree, in my very humble and very personal opinion.

Read more