The Lamborghini Urus could resurrect Hunter S. Thompson
If you are one of the three people that want a Gallardo SUV or a more flamboyant Porsche Cayenne then you are in luck because the Lamborghini Urus is actually going to be produced.
The name may sound like the part of your body that gets urinary infections, and it may be styled to look like a stealth fighter that has been crushed into a shoebox, but this monster is actually a big improvement over Lambo’s last attempt to make an SUV. Called the the LM002, the first Lambo SUV was originally conceived of in the 1980s in response to the same U.S. military request that lead to a Humvee.
In principal, a Lambo military truck sounds like a can’t miss. After all, the Italian automotive industry is world renowned for reliability and rugged simplicity…oh wait. To top that off, the wheeled abomination that was the LM002 looked like a roided out version of GI Joe’s mobile command center – and it burned more gas than an oil-well fire. I always rather liked it.
The Urethra – I mean Urus – is a much more serious effort. For starters the styling is just what we have grown accustomed to from Lamborghini; all of the subtlety and refinement of an F-22 Raptor making love to the Batmobile. With looks like that, everyone may know that you have a tiny penis, but they will also know that you can buy and sell them. In short: it’s pretty great.
Furthermore, it’s based on the same platform as the Porsche Cayenne, the VW Touraeg, and the Audi Q7. So one would imagine that most of its bits will at least refrain from falling off for a few miles. Also it has 600 horsepower, which, for frame of reference, is the same as 300 Ford Model Ts. Thankfully, it should have four-wheel drive and enough electronic minders to prevent even the drunkest of playboys from wrapping it around a tree on their first time out. And for those of you who want to drive around in a neon colored super SUV but still want everyone to know how deeply you care about the environment, there will be a plug in hybrid version to boot.
Despite all this, I am still not quite sure that the Urus lives up to the madness of its ancestor the LM2002. However, in deference to the fine folks at Lamborghini, I am willing to withhold judgment until they give me one. So stay tuned, Lebron James and members of the Saudi Royal family. Hopefully I can test drive it soon.