Five Bizarre Men’s Grooming Procedures

Beard

Grooming can get pretty weird. Sure, things like shaving are normal, and so are most beards. The same can be said for soap, toothpaste, hair cuts, moisturizer and even some colognes, but venture past these everyday things and the world of personal care can turn into an intensely bizarre labyrinth of the strange and unbelievable. This is so, we suspect, because some guys will do almost anything, and we mean anything, to get laid. Yup, we said it. Sex makes guys do some weird stuff. Strange things that would usually go against a man’s better judgment and that can and will probably backfire.

Just how weird can grooming get? Your answers, below:

1—Beard Implants

Can’t buy me love; true, but you can buy yourself a beard. And more than just for Halloween. The process, whereby hair from the back of your head is extracted and then implanted on your face, was pioneered by a guy named Dr. Bessam Farjo in the UK in 1996, but the fine doctor reported a six-fold increase in 2012. It’s best used to fill in gaps on guys whose facial hair sprouts replete with empty spaces and uneven growth, but that hasn’t stopped some with questionable taste to give themselves designer stubble. Disturbing.

2—Scalp Micro-Pigmentation

Otherwise known as tattooing that shaved hair look onto your bald head, permanently. We’ve never seen one in real life, but according to the HIS Hair Website, which specializes in the treatment, it looks like real hair until you come within six inches of it.

3—Face Slapping Natural

When we first heard about Face Slapping Natural (also called Thai Face Slapping) we thought it was a joke. So we went to San Francisco, the only place outside of Thailand where you can pay to have your face slapped, and had the procedure done ourselves. And not only is it real, it’s kind of like applying Nintendo to your wrinkles to make them go away. It’s run by Mawin and Tata New Series World (They’re a couple and that’s their real, made-up, last name!) who are only two of ten certified face slappers in the world. After a consultation and a face slapping cheer (yup), they take you into the slap chamber, crank up some Thai disco and slap the shit out of you. The only things more ridiculous than the procedure? Their claims that effects of one session lasts up to a year and the price: $350 per session. Did it work on us? Maybe it did and maybe it didn’t but it’s hard to say; we were slapped a little silly in the process.

4—Cool Sculpting

A few months back we caught wind of some marines getting liposuction in order to fit the strict body shape standards of the US Military. That’s pretty messed up, but it’s also way old-school now that there’s something called cool sculpting in the world. It’s a non invasive procedure where by a doctor grabs your love handles and places them into a cooling grip that then freezes your chub so cold that the fat cells inside actually die and are then eliminated from your body when you pee. We’ll always say a healthy diet and exercise are the best way to cut fat off your body, but if that’s not an option (because there’s so much good food in the world, we understand) then you wanna go this bizarre route to slimming down before you even think about lipo.

5—Fish Pedicure

Getting a pedicure is strange enough so, what the hell, why not let a fish to the work? Seriously, the garra rufa (or doctor fish) that hails from the Middle East, eats dead foot skin cells for breakfast, lunch and dinner (yes people, this is evolution at work!). To feed them, you sit in a chair, put your feet into a bin with about 20-25 fish for about 20 minutes and let them peck away. It feels like kitten kisses and then viola, you’ve got smooth feet that won’t scrape your significant other under the sheets. Over the last few years, most places in the US have banned the procedure (with claims its unsanitary and abuses the fish) but the process is flourishing in the wider world.