Man School 101: Gourmet Breakfast in 15 Minutes Flat


Hey, wake up! It’s time to make breakfast, sir, and we’re going to make this a great one! This breakfast is gonna be some serious gourmet whatnot, because you need to…

   …impress the date that spent the night!

   …show your in-laws you can actually do something, ANYthing right!

   …try desperately to combat that atomic hangover!

   …fill the hole gnawed open by existential dread with tasty eats!

   …eat a badass breakfast, bro! No rationale needed.

But don’t worry: making a majestic morning meal need not be be a difficult, involved ordeal. In fact, this meal, which I’ll call, um… Fancy Bacon Egg Cup Things… will take you all of about 15 minutes to make, and most of that time is spent waiting around. Seriously. (OK, call it 17 or 18 minutes if you include the time it takes for your oven to pre-heat.)

Related: Haute Hot Sauce

Now, without further adieu–er–ado, let’s make some…

Fancy Bacon Egg Cup Things

Here’s What You Need. You likely have this stuff in your fridge/freezer/pantry.

Essential Ingredients:

Eggs Eggs-2


Cheese shredded cheese

Bread Sliced white bread, 2006.

Optional Ingredients:


Chopped Chives (reeeaaaal fancy, mister)

Cooking Spray (not essential per say… but a gooood idea)

Here’s What You Do… and boy oh boy, isn’t it all easy!

  1. Preheat Your Oven to 350 Degrees (That’s Fahrenheit, just so we’re very clear.)
  2. Spray a muffin pan lightly with nonstick cooking spray (don’t have a muffin pan? $6.99 and 48 hours later, and you do! Thanks, Amazon Prime!)
  3. Lay out slices of bread on a counter or cutting board, and press a standard drinking glass down into them, creating discs of bread.
  4. Press a “bread disc” down into each muffin cup.
  5. Fit a rasher (that’s a “piece” FYI) of bacon around the interior of each muffin cup.
  6. Crack an egg into the muffin cup.
  7. Sprinkle some cheese on top. Also add chives, pepper, some salsa, whatever sounds keen.
  8. Put it all in the oven for 15 minutes… or maybe even a bit less depending on how you want them there eggs cooked and…

Egg-cupBOOM! Done! Look at that. Just LOOK at what you made!

OK, now eat it. Well done, sir.