Dressed in a confusingly sparkly 80s-cheerleader jacket and black dress, Sarah Palin made national headlines once again last week when she asked an Iowa crowd: “Are you ready to make America great again?” That’s right, America’s confused sweetheart is stumping for Donald Trump.
Her shoulders were back and her chest was puffed out—displaying the proud confidence that only comes with blind ignorance.
God, we love Sarah Palin. We missed Sarah Palin. No other politician gives us as much comedic material or as many excuses to drink as the shotgun-wielding hockey mom ex-governor, and with her surprise endorsement of Trump, she has taken the crazy to another level entirely. So to get your weekend started out with a laugh—or cringe—we compiled a list of the 10 best Sarah Palin quotes.
As ever, Wine Awesomeness suggests you pair wine with everything, especially the act of parsing Palin’s dizzying logic and syntax.
If you want something with backbone and a bigger mouth than Palin, we suggest the 2012 Del Carlo Zinfandel Teldeschi Century Old Vine. If you’re in the mood for something a bit on the lighter side, we suggest the 2015 Fabre Montmayou Rosé—its palate is rich and seductive, perfect for offsetting what you’re about to read.
Is your wine poured? Do you have the bottle nearby for emergency refills? Okay. Here we go.
Image courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Creative Commons.
10. “Dr. Laura: don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence “isn’t American,not fair”)” —Twitter, coming to the defense of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the talk radio host who apologized and decided to retire from her highly-rated program after using the N-word on the air 11 times in 5 minutes, August 18, 2010
9. “So we discussed what was going on in Africa. And never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or is it a continent? I just don’t know about this issue.” —Interview with Greta Van Susteren, November 11, 2008
8. “I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree.” —Interview with Sean Hannity, Nov. 22, 2010
7. “They [U.S. soldiers] are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.” —Speaking to supporters at a fundraising event in San Francisco, October 6, 2008
6. “He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and, um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” —Botching the history of Paul Revere’s midnight ride, June 3, 2011
Image courtesy of Alex Hanson via Creative Commons.
5. “I suppose I could play their immature, unprofessional, waste-of-time game, too, by claiming these reporters and politicos are homophobe, child molesting, tax evading, anti-dentite, puppy-kicking, chain smoking porn producers…really, they are… I’ve seen it myself…but I’ll only give you the information off-the-record, on deep, deep background; attribute these ‘facts’ to an ‘anonymous source’ and I’ll give you more.” —Mocking Politico’s use of anonymous sources, November 1, 2010
4. “It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.” —Announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009
3. “As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?” —Interview with CNBC’s “Kudlow & Co,” July 31, 2008
2. “I’m the mayor. I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.” —As quoted by former Wasilla City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections to the $50,000 she allegedly spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval circa 1996
1. “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” —Interview on Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010
This post was originally published April 21, 2014. It was updated Jan. 22, 2016 by Lisa Dunn.