A Man’s Gotta Meat


Men, if they’re like most men (and aren’t vegetarians, who are still men, but who may want to go ahead and click on over to another article), like meat. And if my calculations are correct, more meat is better than less meat. So I really think you should meet a strangely charming company known as Zaycon Fresh. Because oh man, do they know how to meat.

Related: Smoked Meat FTW

Before we talk about ribs, bacon, sausage, and other meatstuffs, let’s talk about the company itself, because the Zaycon Fresh business model is… odd. Or rather it’s elegantly simple; so simple it’s almost odd no one thought of their approach before, but more power to ’em. See, usually after meat leaves the farm/processor, it is packed into bulk cases and sent to a warehouse, there to sit awaiting distribution to various grocery stores (sometimes stopping in another regional/local warehouse before even reaching a retail outlet). At the grocery store, the meat is repackaged for display, and then it sits on the shelves waiting for you to happen by and say to yourself: “Yes… yes, I think I will have Polish Kielbasa sausages today.”

Here’s what Zaycon does that’s different: they pick up those big bulk cases (think 40 pounds of fresh chicken or 36 pounds of frozen bacon, for example) and load them into refrigerated trucks. Then they drive their trucks to parking lots where a predetermined sales “event” has been planned, and they load the bulk cases of meat into your car.

"Here's Your Meat!" The Man Says. Probably.

“Here’s Your Meat!” The Man Says. Probably.

And that’s it. The meat experiences zero additional packaging or handling, minimal exposure to contamination, and it is days (or even weeks) fresher than the stuff on that grocery store shelf.


The only catch is that you need to pay for your meat in advance, sometimes many weeks ahead of time. But by having the buying leverage of all those pre-orders and by cutting down on the expenses of middlemen (AKA warehouses and grocers) and additional packaging, Zaycon can offer ridiculously low prices. (Go ahead and ridicule them, you monster.) As in prices often 50% lower than what you would pay for the same damn meat. And it’s fresher. And also just look at a few of the meats they sell, like say…

Bacon-Wrapped Pork Fillets

Pork All Dressed Up

Pork All Dressed Up

That’s right, a mere pork chop fillet isn’t porky enough. So they wrapped a slice of bacon around it. Now that’s just goddamn brilliant.

FORTY POUNDS of Ground Beef

Parsley Optional

Parsley Optional

Why settle for the quarter pounder when you can get enough ground beef to feed a football team? Hey, it’s a lot of beef, but the price is right, and your freezer has been looking sad anyway.

Fresh Chicken

Chicken $$ FTW

Chicken $$ FTW

This used to be the only meat Zaycon sold. It’s still their Number 1 seller. Why? Because it costs half as much as what you’d pay in Ralph’s/Safeway/Food Lion/Your Local Grocer That I’ve Never Heard Of And, What? How Have You Never Heard Of┬áMy Local Grocer? I’ve Never Heard Of YOUR Local Grocer, OK! Bleh.